44. Facebook birthday schmirthday
Facebook has undoubtedly shaped the landscape of social media forever. It provides a fertile ground for casual stalk the lives of previous classmates and gives us a way never to forget a birthday (since 2013 and until Facebook dies). There’s nothing like the sweet relief of seeing the reminder of your aunty’s birthday first thing in the morning and sending a quick text. After all, remembering her special day secures your spot on her “will buy a scratchie for Christmas” list. Scratchies can be fun.
Of course, you can just post to their Facebook wall instead. Simple! Effective! Old school! (aside from an actual physical card or a messenger pigeon). Here are some pros and cons of Facebook birthday messages.
PROS
The text “Happy Birthday, Pearl!” is already written out, just change the emoji and Aunt Pearl will never know.
You feel accomplished, a win for the morning
You can contribute to the person’s feeling of warmth and happiness on their special day.
As long as birthday people aren’t also mutual friends on Facebook, they won’t know you said the same thing
Numerical quantifier of how many people love you and you can compare it to how many people wished your ex a happy birthday on their birthday and feel better about yourself
That last one was a joke, of course, you unfriended them
CONS
If someone forgets to message you they have no excuse because you know they saw it on Facebook.
Worthless message, have some sincerity, people.
The AI avatar that Facebook generates is ridiculous, insincere and genuinely FAKE are you kidding? Don’t send this to me unless you’re over 40. You’re better than that.
You have to decide if you’re going to like each of the messages, love react to them, or reply to them. This is more important than it sounds.
If you reply to some and not others, I hope you are happy with the enemies you just made (you know Aunt Pearl will notice so put the five-cent piece back in your pocket - NO CHRISTMAS SCRATCHIE FOR YOU)
It’s wonderful to have access to social media platforms to connect and share. We must respect those who participate in that connection by sending us well wishes on our birthdays! Here’s to celebrating getting older and our Facebook memories becoming progressively more embarrassing as the years pass.
